{paying attention to her hubby}

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jennifer wagner


​“ahem… “
 
[silence]….
 
“You didn’t hear a word I just said, did you…?”
 
Anybody ever been there before? I know I have. I’ve caught my hubby in the distraction bubble, and I’ve been caught being distracted a time or two myself when my hubby was chatting his little heart away.
 
I mean, we get it, right? We’ve been married for years. It’s almost like after we’ve been together for so long, we start sharing a brain in some ways. If we tried hard enough, we could probably predict the words our hubby is about to say, how he’ll respond to something, what his opinion is on different things, what he’ll say just before you drift off to sleep at night, etc…
 But what about those in-between times? Those times where you’re not just going through the motions of the day-to-day. Those times when he’s talking about something he’s passionate about, or telling you something that happened at the office today. Those times he’s telling you a funny joke he heard, that he just knows is going to make your belly split with laughter. Those times he comes home grumpy because he had a hard day. Those times he doesn’t know how to respond to a scenario that happened with one of the kiddos.
 
Ever since my hubby and I first got married, our first words to each other in the mornings have always been “how’d you sleep?” That seems so funny as I type it out. Hah! But, hey, it’s true. I don’t know why that’s what we always say. I don’t even have any idea where that came from. But every morning for as long as I can remember, that’s what we always say. We even answer honestly! My hubby will tell me if he slept on his neck wrong, if he woke up once, if he tossed and turned all night, if he slept like a baby… It’s just one of those things we do!
 
And just as my hubby and I have things like these, I’m sure you married gals out there have things like this as well. Things that you and your hubby do the same, all. the. time. 
 
When I got married, I vowed to never ever get tired of my husband. I mean I didn’t like actually write that in my vows or anything, but I definitely made that promise to myself. 
 
I mean we have a long time to be alive with each other. Years and years. Yes, I know when we’re old and gray we’ll say “don’t blink, it goes by so fast!”
 
But along the journey there are highs, lows, and everything in between. There are stressors. There are sad times. There are times of immense joy and hope. There are times of uncertainty. 
 
Let’s really think about it here.
 
We go through all these seasons in life. And each one of those seasons tends to shape us in some way. It shifts our thinking a bit. It might change our heart a little, or change our opinions or outlook on something. Maybe we are more compassionate to a type of person we once misunderstood.  Just, seasons and experiences that shape us a bit. 
 
We, as individuals, are always changing a little. While we generally stay true at our core, we are always evolving a bit as well. In marriage, this is a wonderful thing. It is definitely not something to be fearful about. 
 
But why is it a good thing? Why am I even bringing this up??
 
Because it allows us the opportunity to never become so familiar with our spouse that we stop paying attention.  It’s the whole reason we should be intentional about  paying attention to our spouse. 
 
In any of our relationships, we love to be understood, to be really heard, and to be given the benefit of the doubt. We love to feel connected. To have someone to talk to, and to share our hearts with. Thankfully, in marriage, that person you get to be connected to forever and always is your husband! 
 
Sure, they drive us crazy at times. 
 
But we drive them crazy at times too (gasp!). 
 
And at the end of the day, when any of our other friends are acting distant, misunderstanding our hearts, or even just totally rocking our world with their awesomeness, we have our hubby there as our constant. Like, he’s constantly our husband. Haha! He may not completely understand your heart all the time. But as we go along the journey, and we actively strive to understand each other, to connect with one another, and to pay attention to each other, that will come. 
 
So what are some ways you can be intentional about paying attention to your hubby? I’m so glad you asked. 

Put Yourself In His Shoes

This is one of the first steps you can take in paying attention to your hubby. Sometimes we tend to get so caught up in ourselves (I know- gasp!-again), that we forget to stop and consider the other person. 
 
We get so tired after a long day that we forget all the things that made the day long for hubby as well. We get so used to the systems we’ve developed in taking care of the kids that we forget that he may not have the same systems as us, and he may even be lost at times with the kids! 
 
And if we are married to the more quiet and reserved type of guy, we forget or don’t know what emotions, thoughts, or feelings are all jumbled up inside that noggin! 
 
So for starters, we can stop and put ourselves in their shoes for a moment. We can think about how we would feel about {fill in the blank}, and go from there. 

Really Connect

Ahhh… Here we are talking about connectedness again. Ways that we can do this are by doing things like, slowing down and intentionally making eye contact during conversations with him, not just hearing him, but actually listening to what he’s saying, smiling at him, and validating him when he opens up about something. 

Ask Meaningful Questions

Don’t laugh, but I actually learned this when in my career, when I had to evaluate teachers’ interactions with children. But I promise it is a super great and super important step in paying attention to your hubby!
 
Asking questions that are actually meaningful makes a great big difference in how interested your hubby feels you are in him. Anybody can make small talk. And anyone can ask surface-level questions while hurrying to make dinner or get things ready for the next day. But when someone takes the time to ask a question that took more than a millisecond for them to think of, now that takes things to another level.  
 
Sometimes I even try to think of questions that I can ask my hubby that throw him off a little. For example when I first ask him, he might think “hmm… well heck if I know!” but after some thought, he can come up with an answer. 
 

Let Him Talk

Well I don’t know about you, but I love to chat. I love to talk. As I heard someone say yesterday, I totally have the “gift of gab.” 
 
But here’s a chance for us to take a breath and let our hubby get some words out. Again, some of our hubbies are a little more on the quiet side. But be sure to give them the chance to talk when you notice them trying. 
 
I once heard someone say that when we interrupt someone, we are basically implying that what we have to say is way more important than what they have to say.  So just remember to take a breath, and let your guy talk at times. When you notice him opening up, don’t shine the big awkward spotlight on him, stopping him dead in his tracks, and making him crawl back into his turtle shell. Because nothing says “nevermind don’t talk” like someone shouting from the rooftops “woah! I can’t believe you’re actually talking to me!” Just listen, nod, smile, whatever!  
 
All of these things might seem either minimal, or challenging. But each of them forces us to invest in our husband, as a person. Because that’s what he is. A person. An amazing, unique, awesome person with talents, gifts, likes, dislikes, abilities, strengths, weaknesses, and probably even fears. And we want nothing more than to invest in him because we invest in the things that are meaningful in our hearts. 
 
You never know! Taking an interest and paying attention to your hubby may just catch him off-guard, and totally bring a smile to his face. 
 
Go for it, girl. Love extravagantly. 
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